Please dont sing.

I live my life in cool abandonment. In laconic pleasure. In severe concern for all who don’t.

I love you and the way you carry yourself. The way you know the perfect pitch for saying, “What?” after I speak to you, the way you walk, the way you never manage to get crumbs of biscuit on your clothes when you bite into it. I love how you repeatedly throw all your creativity towards the sky with the hope that people will catch parts of it as they fall. I love how outspoken you are. I love how you never seem to run into quarrels with auto drivers. I love how you turn down offers to strike up conversations from people you know little. I love how you never get harassed. I love the tick of tension you put inside me as soon as you greet. I love the relief after a conversation with you ends. I love watching you.

But most of all, I love the fact that I am not you. You irritate me.

Limerick (1)

There once was a woman in Joo,

Who wanted to make it too,

So she wrote a wee verse,

Which made things worse,

And all her life she wrote literary review.

Ode (1)

You are a chair,

Unaware, lying there,

With no design,

Except to seat

Diners who dine

While resting feet.

There is a Vincent on my bed!

O Santa,

I want sneakers that fit.
I want a room where the walls will be covered with Venetian Secession style drawings.
I want a chin piercing.
I want to go to Mongpu with my best friend.
I want to be praised endlessly for my skills.
I want to be able to paint.
I want a gramophone.
I want you to think that I am a very good person who has only good intentions in her heart but sometimes comes across as a very rude and self-centered and manipulative and disgusting individual.
I want Oasis to get back together.
I want to write dark poems which have words like 'my lips bleed when I utter your name' and suchlike.
इ वांट तो स्पेअक फ़्लुएन्त हिंदी
I want to live inside the First Year classroom.
I want a pet dog.
I want wit.

"Beware", I had said.

To my 18 Day Old first cousin,

I am here to advice you because the world is a big, bad and harmful place full of Maoists and people who support Manchester United.

I would appreciate it if you do not listen too much to adults. They are insane creatures (and almost universally acknowledged to be very frustrated) who want to go Paris. They will tell you to stick to principles that they themselves have failed to adhere to since they were in white towels with pink borders. Like, ‘Don’t be dishonest’, ‘Don’t tease a lesser mortal’, and the like. Lie if you can get away with it. And tease Liverpudlians to death.

You will encounter all sorts of people in life. Some of whom will want to convince you that there are painters who are greater than Van Gogh and Gustave Klimt. You will tell them to kindly fuck off.

Recognising the fact that you will have no grandfathers, I will cough violently once in the middle of May every year and then tell you to quickly put on a sweater as the non-existent Nor’wester is hazardous for health. I will also get you out of sticky situations of all kinds in return for promises of pickled mango.

Always cover borrowed books with newspapers before reading them and creasing their covers.

You must never pester your parents for things you will be ashamed of in later life. Like Bugs Bunny clip boards and foot long Santa Claus pencils. I also think you should read Macbeth and Poetics as soon as you start making sense of words as the vast number of references to these works in later life will kill you. Unless you are planning to plunge into Physics. Or kill yourself.

Please don’t smoke or sit for long hours in front of the computer, playing Age of Empires. Be a human. Blog.

Don’t develop the irritating habit of not untying your shoelaces before plunging your foot into a shoe.

When you watch a movie, dont be a critic. Remember that the director and the producer and everyone who was involved in making it, made it to entertain you. And to satisfy the underworld.

Don’t fall in love before you turn 18. And make the girl support the team of your choice.

Of course, a time will come when you will forget all your passwords and smile for totally inexplicable reasons. Then. You will not need my advices anymore.

The State That Looks Like Emmylou Harris

There and Back Again.

Once upon a time I went to the Rajasthan.

There were many sands there.

There was also a camels.

I rode on the camels backside with my mother and with my father.

They were very happy.

(I was driven by an irrepressible desire to smack the camel owner but that is beside the point)

We ate lot of bajra and saw many fort.

We sitted under tent and saw many pretty ladies dance around blazing fire with talent.

In Jaisalmer, my parent gifted me golden stone bowl.

Then I got up on a railway track and returned back home.