Wednesday, September 30, 2009

DOs

This morning, while brushing my teeth with Colgate Active Salt (one cubic inch of it is just enough for completely ruining the entire day, thank you ), I realised that now that I have made a blog, I have to write in it. It is an obligation. An added pressure. I use 'added' because I am 18 and support the Chelsea FC and (much to my own surprise) go to college. The point is being made that I am thus living the sunniest heydays of unadulterated pressure. Thus this blog will ruin my life. You will one day discover me lying prostrate in a garden of petunias, sporting empty eyes and white knuckles, clutching a laptop and muttering 'fill my blog oh fill my bloggie' to the tune of 'We all follow the Chelsea'. I am officially bringing about my own decline.
Henceforth I will forever try to grab inspiration from anywhere and everywhere ranging from Mamata Banerjee's most recent diss-them-Marxists comment to Alex Ferguson's most recent Chelsea-are-never-winners comment, and include them in my blog.
I will make a big deal of everyday matters like cleaning (and breaking) ugly china vases or fishing cornflakes out of a bowl of milk, and record these as if they were extra-terrestrial experiences which someone as mundane as you will never ever have the fortune of having. All in my blog.
I will even comment on Rakhi Sawant's chosen fiancee who has the name of a fish.
I will go to places like Mukutmonipur and pretend that it's the latest Venice and that it humanely will not be possible for any one to have the same amount of fun as I will have there. Then I will aptly mistake this blog, my blog, for a travelogue and give every gory detail of my travels and seduce you into commenting on my ramblings.
I will surpass your wildest dreams with macabre accounts of my macabre looniness and never-ending-forever-surprising flow of madness. In my blog.
I will raise a hue and cry if a classmate borrows my pencil. Such matters obviously have to be included in my blog.

And you only have to wait till I have a break up. Then. I will turn this blog black.

15 comments:

  1. Does not include what deepteshinflames does. Break up with chelsea and your world of blue you mean?

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  2. That is because I have immense respect for DeepteshInFlames.
    Break up with Boyfriend-who-will-one-day-appear, I mean.

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  3. all this jazz luks pretty cool to me. one day, i'll produce a novel about this blog. and other blogs.

    then u'll see what blogs can do.

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  4. i love ur blog...n i love u..can't wait to see more of it..

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  5. Hey Quince...c the upper sidebar of my blog n u wl b gladly surprised!Rn't u happy that now u hv ppl cuming 4m my bog 2 visit u?The links...u know.n thanks for pampering my blog in 'infra-blue silence'.Dunno if I deserve it but I'm toooohapppyyyy!

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  6. Did u chk?I've a big surprise for u!Ur humor comes very close to the quintessence of English comedy or fiction writers which I find very intoxicating indeed!Great work!Loved ur compound words as they led to increasing velocity, spontaneity and reflected ur bubbly self!What I didn't like was the use of the same word 'macabre' twice within the same sentence....it's better when u replace the same word with a synonym.Anyway, I like the gamut in here....from Chelsea to Mamata Banerjee!n should I mention DeepteshinFlames?

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  7. Ishani: All game. If ever you forgive the cynic that I am, I will co-write the book.

    PJJ: Cannot guarantee the triumph of work over laziness.

    Deeptesh, Forever In Flames: Thou art an angel. "Macabre" twice was for the purpose of laying more stress on the stupidity of madness.
    I am totally and pleasantly surprised by the surprise. Thou art indeed an angel.

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  8. i wait in breathless anticipation for more of the chelsea craziness :D blue hearts to ya!

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  9. Amazing. Really. Funny too. Weety too.
    Waiting to read more.

    It's odd that in a blog, if you type 'blog', the word 'blog' comes underlined with red, which means that the computer doesn't recognize what a 'blog' is. Scary!

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  10. ill tell you what.
    i love the name of your blog.
    AND you first post.

    though frankly, there's too much of chelsea for me.but then again, you'll have your own following because of it.

    hoping to see more here. :-)

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  11. Trisha, Aditya, Safdar: *genuflects*

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  12. I got here too.And thank God.
    You're an inspiration,you know that?Now I'll do every single thing you mention,and doom myself to blah-blogger-ness and lower myself in the eyes of the world forever.
    And come back here when I need a laugh,of course :)

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  13. Chhotu. My regard.
    Oh and yoursforever.

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