This morning, while brushing my teeth with Colgate Active Salt (one cubic inch of it is just enough for completely ruining the entire day, thank you ), I realised that now that I have made a blog, I have to write in it. It is an obligation. An added pressure. I use 'added' because I am 18 and support the Chelsea FC and (much to my own surprise) go to college. The point is being made that I am thus living the sunniest heydays of unadulterated pressure. Thus this blog will ruin my life. You will one day discover me lying prostrate in a garden of petunias, sporting empty eyes and white knuckles, clutching a laptop and muttering 'fill my blog oh fill my bloggie' to the tune of 'We all follow the Chelsea'. I am officially bringing about my own decline.
Henceforth I will forever try to grab inspiration from anywhere and everywhere ranging from Mamata Banerjee's most recent diss-them-Marxists comment to Alex Ferguson's most recent Chelsea-are-never-winners comment, and include them in my blog.
I will make a big deal of everyday matters like cleaning (and breaking) ugly china vases or fishing cornflakes out of a bowl of milk, and record these as if they were extra-terrestrial experiences which someone as mundane as you will never ever have the fortune of having. All in my blog.
I will even comment on Rakhi Sawant's chosen fiancee who has the name of a fish.
I will go to places like Mukutmonipur and pretend that it's the latest Venice and that it humanely will not be possible for any one to have the same amount of fun as I will have there. Then I will aptly mistake this blog, my blog, for a travelogue and give every gory detail of my travels and seduce you into commenting on my ramblings.
I will surpass your wildest dreams with macabre accounts of my macabre looniness and never-ending-forever-surprising flow of madness. In my blog.
I will raise a hue and cry if a classmate borrows my pencil. Such matters obviously have to be included in my blog.
And you only have to wait till I have a break up. Then. I will turn this blog black.